Recently channeled: A guide to Atlantean cooking

NOTE: as you may or may not know, yesterday was April 1st, aka April Fools. This was my April Fool’s Joke. I never channeled Atlantis. I fabricated the whole thing. I was honestly expecting a more controversial response. Something along the lines of “This is a bunch of b.s.” I guess next time around, I’ll just have to try harder. :)

As you may or may not know, I have been practicing meditation for some time now. Usually, I only get a quiet peace of mind, but more recently, I performed my first channeling. It happened quite spontaneously and I have to confess I was caught off guard by the message I received.

The spirit told me he once lived in Atlantis and went by the name Siphon Thoun Norjustel. He told me that he had contacted me for a reason. Siphon was a master chef during his time. In addition to the advanced technology and spiritual capacity of the atlanteans, they also had many artful cooking recipes that were lost to the ages.

Due to the strong spiritual nature of many of the atlanteans, they were capable of making some very wholesome and delicious dishes using means and methodology of cooking that have until now been forgotten. Due to the extinction of some animal species over time, some of the recipes are no longer relevant. However, I have filtered out the ones that are completely unusable, and made substitutions where necessary. Hopefully you understand.

In addition, Siphon told me in his message that he already took the liberty of translating atlantean measurements to the more conventional measurements we use today. So you don’t have to go to the trouble of figuring out what a “depsha” of salt or a “toolmar” of water means. I encourage all of you to give these recipes a try! You never know how amazing they’ll be!

Atlantean fire-roasted cheese sandwich:

If your sandwich is anything like mine, it should look like this when finished. Yummy!

You will need:

- 2 Slices of rye bread (I didn’t have rye so I used white)

- A little butter

- 1/2 cup goat cheese (I was out so I used cheddar)

- A few cups spicy herbal seaweed (ancient ingredient, substitute cilantro)

- An open fire or a grill (I used a toaster)

- 1 lumerian crystal (orange or pink color preferable, although any kind will work.)

Instructions:

1) Begin by buttering the bread.

2) Place cheese on bread.

3) Place second slice of bread on top of sandwich.

4) Place crystal on top and then begin warming the bread over the fire/grill.

5) Once the bread browns to a golden color, use an oven mitt to pick up the crystal, flip the sandwich over, and replace the crystal.

6) When both sides of the sandwich are browned, remove from heat source.

7) Open the sandwich and place herbal seaweed/cilantro on inside of sandwich. Place crystal to the side as a garnish

Meditate over the food and enjoy.

CAUTION: REMOVE CRYSTAL BEFORE EATING.

Annunaki Teriyaki Hake and Shitake with Sake

Behold the mystical Annunaki fish or something. (mumble, mumble)

-(Siphon told me that the atlanteans still had old Annunaki recipes during their time. Coincidentally, their recipes seem very much like our recipes today. Fun fact of the day: the hake fish, better known as the Blue Grenadier, is a one of the species of fish used in McDonalds Filet-O-Fish sandwiches. Coincidence? Yeah right!)

You will need:

- 1 cooking brush

- 1 large non-stick frying pan

- 1 medium pan

- 2 spoons

- 1 medium bowl

-  4 hake fillets

-  3 table spoons vegetable oil

- salt and pepper

- 4 spring onions chopped

- 4 chopped radishes

- 2 chopped shitake mushrooms

- lime juice

- 2 table spoons olive oil

- 1/2 fresh coriander

For the teriyaki sauce, you need:

- 1 x 750 mL bottle of sake

- 4 table spoons of honey

-  grams of sugar

- 220mL of soy sauce

- 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar

Instructions:

1) Mix the sauce: Mix and stir the saki, sugar, soy sauce, balsamic vinegar and honey in a medium-sized pan.

2) Mix the other ingredients together in a bowl

3) Reduce the sauce: Simmer the sauce over a medium temperature until it reduces by half and becomes thick. Once the sauce thickens, remove it from the heat and set aside

4) Heat the vegetable oil for the hake in the large frying pan.

5) While the vegetable oil is heating, season the hake with salt and pepper.

6) Once the oil is hot, pan fry the hake for about two minutes on each side and then remove the pan from the heat.

7) Use the cooking brush to coat the hake with your reduced teriyake sauce.

8) Serve with the ready-prepared shitake mushroom, spring onion, and radish garnish.

9) Enjoy a delicious Annunaki meal!

 

Atlantean Char-Grilled Eel

A fun fact about Atlantis is that eel was much more common near the surface. This is the way Atlanteans would prepare their eel once they caught it.

You will need:

- One atlantis cooking pole. (To make, get a copper pole sharpened at one end like a spear, and fasten a rubber handle to it.)

- One eel. (You may have to look around for a while to find a store that sells eel.)

- A very sharp knife to clean the eel.

- An open fire. You can try an outdoor grill, but the fire works best.

 Instructions:

1) Use Your knife to gut the eel. Place the sharp knife just below the vent and work towards the head, once open scrape out the gut making sure you clean all the blood as well, wash out the inside with clean salt water, it is best if you sprinkle some salt on the outside of the eel as this will give you a better grip as they do have a slimy body.

2) Insert the cooking pole in through the top of the eel where the head was and out through the tail fin.

3) Use something on the other end to hold the eel in place, then turn the pole upside down to let the remaining fluids in the eel drain out. After a few minutes, the eel should be cleaned and ready for cooking.

4) Prepare you fire, it has to be hot enough to actually cook the eel.

5) Cook the eel close to the fire until there is a char on both sides. This will seal in the juices of the eel.

6) Continue to cook the eel a little further from the fire to ensure it is cooked thoroughly.

7) Enjoy your freshly cooked Atlantis eel!

 

Hopefully, you get as much enjoyment out of these channeled recipes as I have out of giving you them. Until next time, learn your cooking from the people who know cooking.

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